Dear Diary…

Ok so this post is about something very personal and something I am happy to be open with but struggle to find the right solution for coping…

I have “self diagnosed” myself with a…

self identity crisis which is defined as failure to achieve ego identification during adolescence.

OK sure, makes sense, I was focusing on just about everything and anything other than building an identity back at that age.


But now, so much time has passed and I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t focusing on myself, my identity and how to better myself overall.  The past few days though have been quite challenging,  I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, everything from my thoughts, to my body, to my ability to take control of these situations seem to be stuck and coming up more often than I am comfortable with.

 

Being a woman is HARD.  I am not even going to pretend to sugar coat it like I normally do for myself.  The expectations that come with my lifestyle and what I identify as couldn’t make  matters worse. The stereotypes that once seemed so easy to mold into, the young college student, the fit yoga teacher, the vegetarian, a modern buddhist, the supportive friend, a partner to be proud of, a family oriented daughter, none of them matter in the slightest when your favorite shirt shrinks and I don’t even want to leave the house after taking one look in the mirror.

How much does someone have to be hurting to actually believe that they are not made of light just as God is? Did we not all form from the same stardust? The same composition? 

 

The lack of safety women face both inside and out is an epidemic across many nations and I fear everything from strong emotions taking over to being alone somewhere when it is dark and far too late.


 

I have caught myself catering my life around these social norms and expectations that once seemed silly and ignorant.   I want to look at everyone (myself included) as having a good heart, seeing each individual as a source of light, but it seems impossible to even give the majority the benefit of the doubt when there is so much hate and darkness being displayed.

 

 

I am desperate for answers that are right in front of me yet, falling into the emotions is so much easier at times.

 

Sending strength, love, courage and hope to all the wonderfully unique and STRONG women around me.  May we lift each other up in these changing times and support one another each and every day.

 

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