As the full moon came into its highest point last night, the first full moon since the eclipse, I might add, I had an overwhelming desire to take care of myself and show myself the love I expect others to show me.
Abhyanga has been a practice I have been thinking about trying for weeks now, but never had the chance to get around to it. I mindfully created a spiritual space, burning sage and incense and warming up some oil in preparation for this Ayurvedic practice of self massage.
It seems easy in the mind, long strokes, create blood flow, slow circles around the joints, aids in movement and eases discomfort.
But, why was it so hard for me to take 15 minutes out of my day to show myself this love?
Since Mercury is no longer in retrograde and the full moon was above me, I figured there wasn’t going to be a better time than now to plant the seed of self love. Feeling whole and healed on a cellular level, I worked through the insane tightness I carry in my calves, my shoulders and my hands/feet.
The build up to this moon has been highly emotional but surprisingly grounding for me. We must honor our suffering because without those moments we would never know what it is like to feel unconditional love and surrounding peace. While we (most likely) favor the latter, the hard times are tests where we can see how strong we are in our abilities to show love to ourselves in the darkest times.
The last thing I have been doing the past few days with all this emotional energy is holding space for myself to FEEL. Yup, that thing that we all would rather numb out with alcohol, drugs, bad habits, overworking, literally anything to avoid sitting with these tough emotions.
But, whether I am in my car or my house or my friends house etc, when I have an overwhelming sensation I allow myself to cry of sadness or anger, I feel no shame and I place my hands on my heart and immediately begin thinking:
- Why am I crying (on a simple level, i.e. the outcome I thought would happen has gone a different way)
- What emotions am I feeling (Digging deeper: vulnerability, jealousy, distress, panic, pain)
- How can I show myself Love? How can I repair this on the inside by myself? (Remember this is an inside job and no one can “fix” you, maybe they can temporarily relieve you of the emotions but they will always rise back to the surface)
- Turn things around (It only takes a second to get overwhelmed with emotions, so only let it take a second, or 5 minutes, to come back to neutral, remind yourself of your schedule, of your positive qualities, of what you have to offer the world as an individual and allow your mind to get back on track)
In Meredith Rom’s book, Just Be (Link below) she introduced me to new form of meditation called Dynamic Meditation created by the spiritual teacher, Osho.
This morning I decided to give it a try as I challenge myself to a daily morning meditation to solidify some routine in my practice. This is considered a way to clear out the garbage in the mind and body and work through any stress we are holding on to. Below is a link to the short informational youtube that allows one to resort back to their primal feelings and release themselves in the most child like and freeing way possible. I mean childlike in the utmost respect by the way, this reminds me of being able to “throw a fit” and express myself fully which seems to be much more appropriate the younger you are. Holding space for yourself to do something like this can seem silly or intimidating but give it a try, you may end up feeling awesome afterwards! Never take life too seriously.